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Thursday, July 30, 2009

HOM: Lyn-teresting events

There were a few funny "Lyn" episodes that stick in my mind. ----- I was one of the early Thermal Tech customers and had the old house insulated with foam in the walls . The workers were popping in and out and bustling around when Lyn had to go to work. I saw her go into the bedroom to change, so I gave it a minute after she closed the door and then walked over and went in. Lyn had her back to me, bending over and stepping into her pants. I dropped my voice to the growliest bass I could produce and said "Oh - 'Scuse me, Ma'am!" She almost did a backwards somersault getting her pants up and spinning around. ----- We spent a cold winter night in SLC, and when we left the next morning Lyn found a box of chocolates she'd left on the seat. She opened the box, looked at them, and asked me if freezing hurt candy. I told her yes, chocolate became quite poisonous. "Have a piece," she said Yeah, she thought it was funnier than I did. ----- One night Lyn called me out to the kitchen, saying she heard someone screaming outside. I opened the door and listened, then broke the news to her that it was just coyotes back along the creek. She listened for a minute and then commented that they sounded more realistic on television. ----- We were at the Tally Lake camp ground one fall when Lyn had to make a stop at the ladies room. I waited in the car till she was inside, then quietly slipped out, went up to the back wall of the building and scraped my fingernails down the wood siding. Dead silence from Lyn. I did it again. Silence again. I did it once more and & growled. That time she screamed: "Jiiiiiiiiiiiiim!!! Helppppppppppppppppppp!!" Nope. She didn't think it was funny. ----- Lyn got out of the car one icy day at Gateway West mall. Her feet shot out from under her and she ended up flat on her back under the door with a two-handed death grip on the arm rest. I asked her if she was okay and she told me she couldn't move. When I told her everybody was staring at her she did a combo chin-up and hop and landed upright by the car. When she saw that we were the only people in the lot, she got mad. I thought I was being efficient at getting her moving. She thought I was being awful. ----- We were in bed, I was sleeping and Lyn was reading. She reached over me and got her glass of ice water from the bedside table and took a sip. When she was starting to put it back she hit a REALLY absorbing place in the book. Her hand paused right over my bare back, then she let the glass tip and spill on me. When I screamed and jumped out of bed she dumped the rest of the water on herself and her book ended up over in a corner. Yeah, it was all MY fault . . . ----- And for a change of pace, here is a Bec story: We used to burn the grass around the edge of the yard and field every spring, a somewhat hazardous process. Most of the burning was over when I stationed Bec by a little smoldering patch on the far side of the yard with a hose and instructions to not let the fire spread. I looked over and saw that she had the end of the hose down in the ashes, so since I was by the hydrant I picked the hose up and pinched off the flow of water. When Bec told me the water wasn't working I told her she'd probably plugged the hose with ashes and to check it. She dutifully held the hose up to her eye and peeked into it and I unpinched it. No, she didn't think it was as funny as I did. TBC (Me) (Blacktail Books)