HOM: The Evening Call

Okay. This is the hardest post for me to write so far, probably no following posts will be as difficult. It is hard to write of an episode that was probably the most painful of my life and personal actions and reactions I still can't judge myself properly on. Funny, after all these years I still carry scars from it. There was one phone for the whole dorm, the handiest person answered it and then went and found the person who the call was for. So it began with a knock on the door and a phone call for me. It was Lyn. She was crying. She was incoherent. When I realized what she was saying my world changed. "Jim, I think I'm pregnant." We hadn't had sex... This relationship was important to me, and for many reasons I wanted to do things the way I had been taught was right. I wanted to wait till we were married. She'd dated a guy off & on for a couple of years before we met. He said he wanted to say good-by to her and they ended up in bed right after I left. She asked forgiveness. I granted it. I still haven't figured why or if I did the right thing. When I got off the phone, I walked outside and vomited. The rest of that night and the next few days is a total blur. I know it included sex and violence, but the details are gone. The only memory that sticks is hiding from a cop, taking refuge in Chapman Hall, the freshman dorm. I came out of that night of insanity a different person that I went into it. A week later she found out she wasn't pregnant. And life went on. TBC (Me) (Blacktail Books)