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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

JJ: I Lose Track of Time

It's March 15th.  I meant to post this on the 11th.

Dad died three years ago on the 11th. Mom died five years ago on the 12th. It does not seem like it has been that long.

I miss them both. I miss the sights and sounds and smells and memories of Home. Home, where Mom was, warm and full of love . . .

I think of them a lot, especially Dad. I wish with all my heart that he & I could have been closer, but it seemed like we always existed in two different worlds and we had nothing to really talk about, no real common ground or interests.

I wish that I had been able to grant his last request of me, that I move in with him, but I thought, and still think, that it would not have worked. I was not willing to pay the price, to radically change my life, to give up autonomy and be a submissive adolescent again. Two of us under one roof, with each of us used to being our own boss, would have led to a lot of bad feelings on both our parts.

But I still blame myself for not trying. He was so lonely after Mom died . . .


"Memento mori"