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Friday, May 7, 2010

Moving to mexico

MOVING TO MEXICO Dear President Obama: I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and my wife who is pregnant again with twins (or maybe triplets) and I would like to ask you to assist me. We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements. We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, green cards, work permits, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 1. Free first-class medical care for my entire family. 2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 3. Please print all Mexican Government forms in English. 4. I want my children and grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers. 5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history. 6. I want my kids and grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school. 7. Please plan to feed my kids and all of my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch. 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services, and be able to vote for more services. 9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws. I can’t read Mexican road signs. 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer and that they speak politically correct terms to me with respect and no racial profiling, which should be made against the law by the time I get there next month. Be sure to have water available for my entire family every mile inside Mexico, and a shade tree, benches to sit on would be nice too. 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my housetop, put U.S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th, and I plan to march with the other Americans who do the same thing as I am doing. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. 12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start. I don’t do lawns here, and I only hire Mexicans to do the manual stuff, you know. 13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice, polite, respectful and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy. 14. I want to receive free food stamps. 15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies. 16. I'll need income tax credits so that although I don't pay Mexican taxes, I'll receive money from the government. 17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $4,500.00 to help me buy a new car, and $1,500.00 per month for each of my children and grand children from social services. 18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement, without my contributing anything into their program. 19. And be sure to explain to your buddie that I expect amnesty laws to be passed within the year. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!! (Me)