HOM: It Was The Norm 2

I thought I told some of these episodes before, but they don't show up in my previous posts. Oh Well. If this is a rerun, suffer through it, I probably got the details wrong anyway. --- Linda Ward was one of the girls behind the counter and I used to give her an awful time. She served as both cook and waitress. I had a sinus headache, so I sipped my coffee down and then dropped an Alkaseltzer Plus tablet into it. This caused a minor eruption in the cup with bubbles cascading over the sides. I saw that Linda was about to turn toward me so I picked up the sugar container and innocently asked her "Are you sure this is sugar?" Yeah, I thought it was funnier than she did, until the spoon smacked me between the eyes. Then there was the egg shell. Bec had hardboiled an egg for her school lunch, and I had slipped the shell into a baggy and dropped it into my pocket. When I got to Norm's I ordered a soft-boiled egg, and after Linda delivered it I had a few bites, then slipped a piece of the shell onto my spoon. I showed it to Linda and she apologized for carelessness. I ate the rest of egg, then dumped in the rest of the shell and stirred the pieces into the juice in the bottom and called her over again. She reacted pretty strongly, "Oh my God! Where did those come from" She was really upset, apologized, tried to tear up my ticket, repeated "Where did those come from," then I pulled out the empty baggy and said "Probably out of this." Betcha you can't guess who thought it was the funniest. Bill Shiel. He'd observed the whole thing but didn't say anything till that afternoon, when he asked Linda if she'd like to go home early. When she asked why, he said he thought she might need some practice at handling egg shells. I was on my best behavior for a while after that, but one day a new waitress called Dorothy started working there. She asked me my name & I told her it was Bob, so she started calling me "Bob." When Linda asked her who Bob was, she pointed at me. "That's not Bob, that's Jim!" "No, that's Bob!" "Jim" "He told me his name was Bob" "Oh, well, that explains it!" Busted, and referred to as JimBob thereafter. ----- Then there was the day I got my new cordless phone. It had extreme range, so I programmed in Norm's number, stuck it in my pocket, and headed over there for coffee and a visit. When my cup was empty and Linda's back was turned, I slipped the phone out and dialed the number. When she answered, I asked for a refill. I got it, but I got a lecture first. Yeah, this was in the days before cell phones, otherwise she would have probably had that little stunt pulled on her before. TBC (Me) (Blacktail Books)